3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
