Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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