Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
