You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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