You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
