I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
