I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
