you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
