it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
