Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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