ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
