Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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