Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
