i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
dude. I can hear the air.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
