I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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