i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
