The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
