I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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