we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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