It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
