OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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