you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
