things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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