For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
