shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
zippers are such a cool invention
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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