sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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