The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
