I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
