New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
