so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
