So drunk its hurt
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
