I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
