haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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