And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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