I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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