We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
