I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
