So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
