They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
