direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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