Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
