I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
