Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
