Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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