What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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