I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
