I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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