yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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