"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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