I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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