So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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