I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
